A lazybones’s letter to his parents

Dear parents,

You know how you mean the world to me. But there are a few alarming issues at hand that need to be discussed. Now that I have woken up [from my sleep and in an ideological sense], I think it would be in our mutual interest that you read this letter. Please don’t read it out aloud in my presence in front of the relatives. I have had enough experience of this kind of public hearing of my examination papers in the school.

1. Please don’t wake me up. I know how much you are concerned about my future and hence, want me to attend classes. But what’s the use? If you don’t allow me to sleep at home, I will sleep in the classes.

Also, it hurts me when you shout, “Shantibai is here. Wake up and take away your mattress.” Compared to that, a kick on my butt is relatively sweet. Do I really have to wake up because Shantibai has to clean the floor?

2. At times, I just don’t want to eat. The food is excellent. The ambience is perfect. The aroma is tempting. The coaxing is cute. But I don’t want to eat. I am evolving. Just give me time to hunt down my own roti-sabzi.

3. When you see a whole lot of stuff lying around in my room, don’t yell at me. It is there for a purpose. Soon, I will come up with the purpose but believe me, there is one. Apart from aesthetics, the whole point of keeping things inside shelves is to find them easily, right? But then I find it easy to find something when things are lying all around the floor or on the bed.

4. Don’t peep into my computer screen. When you do that, even innocent stuff becomes embarrassing. And really, it wasn’t me who changed the definition of “innocence”. It’s time you change your idea of the computer being a useful machine.

I wish to write something pleasant to end this letter but I have to catch up some sleep before the witch with the broom arrives.

With nothing but love,