A bit about cheap movie halls

Having experienced the life long rift between expectations and experience of movies, a significant risk is involved in going to the theatres for watching movies. Over a short span of embarrassing-to-reveal years, one has watched movie goers move from cheap theatres to multiplexes. While the comfort, perfumes and short skirts might be appealing, I prefer watching movies in a cheap standalone theatre.

The ticket counter guy is actually accessible to you and doesn't employ a microphone and speaker to converse with someone standing a foot away. Also, he doesn't question the clarity of your speech:

You: "ABC movie. 4PM show. Chaar tickets."
Ticket guy: "ABC. 4PM. Four tickets. Are you sure?" [Yes, they speak English.]

This is also the moment when you question your decision to come for the movie. After you convince the guy, he shows you your seats in the screen(hall) on his screen. If he is fine with you being fine with it, he prints the tickets on the "Brand Equity" paper quality - in triplicate. In the same time, the old style movie hall ticket issuer would have dealt with five people with a short review like, "Bakwas picture hai" or "Jaldi andar jaao...Pehle 10 mins mein hi asli scene hai."

For me, watching a movie is not about stuffing yourself with junk at 500% premium and spreading silent cheap farts. What makes a crappy movie bearable is the people around you. And no. I am not talking about the pleasure derived from brushing hands with the girl sitting next to you.

While a loudly uttered word is against the unwritten law of multiplexes, cheap movie halls score high in this regard. Watching movies in a small theatre is a large-scale equivalent of an off class at school.

Every action on screen has an instant reaction from the masses. People don't suppress themselves from singing, "Vicco turmeric.. nahi cosmetic". FTII short films are acknowledged with claps (understandably to thank heavens for their short duration). Even the scratchy anthem film is responded with a "Bharat Mata ki.." appeal. Whistle blowers are not punished by menacing looks and Shoosh's of people around. Some signature responses from the audience are:

A romantic moment (actors come close to each other) gets the reactions "Abe door reh usse...meri hai woh", "Dekhna bhaai aaraam se...", "Arey chhote bachhe hai yaha pe..." and so on.

One gets the feeling that the audience wants to see roses kissing instead of actors. However, if really roses are shown to be kissing, the audience reacts with an "Arey kuchh to dikhaao!"


Recently, sad moments have started to get the reaction "Arey bus kar pagli... rulaaegi kya?" or in case of Abhishek Bachchan, "Arey bus kar pagle... hasaayega kya?"

A long lull in the movie is greeted with, "Isse achha to peechhe ki seat waala movie hai."


Movies might be watched best in posh multiplexes. But you watch them best in these old style movie halls.

They're on the Sun's side

The hot Indian summer reminds us of our annual war with the sun. Ravi-war doesn't sound fun any more, does it? While we fuse together against this hopeless mass of nuclear fusion, some traitors have shamelessly joined hands with the viral rival:

1. Electricity boards: Electricity board employees kill their "board"om by playing a game of timing the power outage just when the mercury hits the maximum. Bonus points are scored when an outage is brought about at night. That's when I sleep on the streets in a soaked t-shirt.

2. Lizards: Their rapid summer breeding leads to rapid breeding of ill will towards them. Baby lizards, while slightly cute, hide in the most hideous places. Even Dexter Morgan fears blood splatter when he sees a lizard reaching cooler fans.

3. Seats of two-wheelers: While the summer burns our posteriors in an abstract sense, a more concrete evidence is experienced when one sits on a two-wheeler. A simple mantra then is to "Spit on the seat and then sit."

4. Some car drivers: At traffic signals, two-wheeler folks are seen waiting under tree shades 20 metres before the stop line. While this is acceptable, one struggles to find reason in car drivers indulging in this exercise. These are the people who own a lifetime stock of fairness creams.

5. Weddng Pundits: Surprisingly, these learned wise men come up with wedding dates that lie in the midst of the summer. The world must pour its pity for a baraat [ceremonious wedding procession] dancing on the streets in 45 Degrees Celcius. The groom's face says it all. One would find tying the knot of the tie more painful than the wedding knot.If you are dancing near the horse, be prepared to hear expletives straight from the horse's mouth.

In essence, our brat sun needs to calm down - at least in an effort to avoid such pieces from emergin again.