Admission Interview Indore

(Disclaimer: This post is purely a work of imagination. Questions are genuine. The answers should not be given under any circumstances - not even under adult supervision.)

Right guy : R, Left guy: L

L: Give me your certificates file.
Me: Here. Take it. Handle with care. Don’t steal any of the certificates.

R: So your name is Pushkar?
Me: No. It’s my brother’s name.

R: And _____ is your father’s name?
Me: Yes and xxxxx is my last name.

R: It’s your family name, right?
Me: No it’s my last name.

R: So what did you do in VNIT?
Me: I played cricket. I used to have lunch. I liked the Maggie bhel in the canteen. I also checked out a few girls. By the time I passed out, I realized that I had completed Electrical Engineering.

R: When did you clear your engineering?
Me: Ask L. He has the certificates. His confused looks give me a feeling that he won’t be able to figure out the year. It’s 2006.

R: What have you done since then?
Me: Ask me, what have I not done?

R: What have you not done?
Me: OK I’ll tell you what I have done. I took up a job. I sucked at it. To be frank I couldn’t figure out why I was being paid for. I had free net access for around 10 months. Not that they charged me after that. I left the job since I couldn’t take the jargon anymore. After that I took up CA. I have been doing Complete Aaram since then.

R: You completed Electrical Engineering. Do you remember anything?
Me: No. But I know you’ll still ask.

R: What is this subject ‘Network theorems’ about?
Me: Some network theorems they taught us. Kirchoff, Thevenin, Norton, MPTT.

R: What is Norton theorem?
Me: Norton nahi.. say Norton ji. He’s elder to you.

R: What is Nortonji’s theorem?
Me: Ask him. It’s his.

R: What is the use of that theorem? Any use of this equivalent current source and parallel load?
Me: Yes. You get marks for solving problems using this theorem. Quite useful.

R: Can we apply it to any network?
Me: Not to power systems I guess. Else they won’t give us that subject.

R: What do you do to power systems?
Me: I don’t do anything. Dogs do something to transmission poles. I remember load flow equations or something making their way in my brain networks.

R: How do you solve them?
Me: I don’t. Newtonji, Raphsonji, Gaussji and Seidelji – these four people – had so much time on their hands. They solved equations without having any known variables. I don’t think we should rely much on them.

R: Tell us about Newtonji-Raphsonji method.
Me: I don’t know. They formulated it long back. We can’t rely on historians to pass it down to us correctly. It’s tweaked now. Totally unreliable.

R: What is maximum power transfer theorem?
Me: It’s like a dog, you know? It never eats when you are watching. Maximum power transfers when there is nobody watching the circuit.

R: What is this switchgear and protection?
Me: Funny subject. If you drive/ride, you’ll know how you switch gears and need protection. Helmets, seat belts and bulletproof jackets!

R: Seriously? What are relays?
Me: Four runners running and passing baton to win. Nobody is capable enough to run it completely.

R: What is a circuit breaker?
Me: Hammer. If a circuit misbehaves, we hit it with the hammer.

L: What is the meaning of Pushkar? Can you use it as a noun only or (mumbles)
Me: What? What do you want to use it as? Push kar? Gande aadmi!

L: What is Pushkar famous for?
Me: Pushkar is famous for spoofing interviews.

L: Anything more?
Me: Yes. He’s famous for snatching back his certificates. Give me that file! NOW!

L: Do you know about a list of great Indian cricketers recently rolled out?
Me: They’re all great. Not a single one among them is a common man.

L: Did India win a world cup in cricket ever in a 50 over match?
Me: No they won for 60 over one..

L: When?
Me: 1857

L: Who was the Man of the final Match?
Me: Rajesh Chauhan

L: what did he do in the final?
Me: He played in it.

L: Who’s his brother?
Me: Shivraj Chauhan

L: What does he do?
Me: He steals money from mom, buys chocolates for his little brother Rajesh and keeps the free stickers.

L: Tell me five great Indian all rounders?
Me: Robin Singh, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Joshi, Harvinder Singh and umm….Venkatpathi Raju. That was in the order of importance – worst to best.

L: Tell me top three all time all rounders of the world.
Me: Richie Benaud, Yousuf Pathan (scored points by mentioning an Indian in the list!) and Vidya Balan – she is round all over (more points yay!)

L: Thank you.
Me: It’s ok. (to R)You want to ask something?

R: No. Thank you.
Me: It’s ok yaar. Don’t get scared. (to L) Take care of him. See ya guys later.